Declamations and Diatribes News Report 08.19.10 Posted by Aaron Koehn on 08.19.2010
Call of Duty: Black Ops reveals what their Prestige Bundle will include, the ESA says there has never been a better time to get a game degree and Sony announces new PS3 bundles in anticipation of their upcoming motion control system.
The upcoming Call of Duty: Black Ops Prestige Edition will include an RC surveillance vehicle that can transmit video and audio from 200 feet away.Man, this special edition bundle has voyeurism and criminal trespassing charges written all over it. That being said, I’m probably still gonna buy it, and then shortly thereafter sell back the rest of the crap that comes with it (the art book, the Making Of DVD, the game), whereupon I’ll then “accidentally” drive said surveillance vehicle into the nearest building that houses copious amounts of naked ladies (unfortunately, that’s probably Shady Oaks nursing home).
Granted, the imagined hyjinx that I’m now picturing this RC car getting me into will probably never work out to my benefit. That doesn’t mean I still can’t daydream about driving this remote-controlled toy into that righteous babe’s house down the street, upon which my tech-savvy nature will be gloriously displayed and she’ll automatically be compelled to do me and then marry me, in that order.
No pricing has yet been announced for this “Prestige Bundle,” but can one really put a price tag on using technology to further the efforts of peeping toms the world over? In fact, wasn’t it just the last Call of Duty pre-order bundle that came with night vision goggles or what I’ve been told is the peeper’s most valued vocational tool? It seems like if this whole video game thing doesn’t work out, Activision (the maker of Call of Duty) could always go into the voyeuristic pornography-supply field. Because I have a feeling that their next pre-order bundle will probably include some sort of invisibility cloak and a skeleton key.
Look for Call of Duty: Black Ops to hit store shelves this November 9, and then be on the look out for remote controlled cars with cameras attached attempting to hide in your showers and toilets (especially if you’re a resident of Shady Oaks nursing home).
The lead designer for Sonic Colors explains that this upcoming iteration is designed for the 6 to 12-year-old demographic, and that older hardcore fans should look to the forthcoming Sonic 4.So apparently Sega is producing two Sonic games, one aimed at children, and one aimed at the older, “hardcore” gamers. But in all seriousness, how big is the “hardcore” Sonic the Hedgehog demographic these days? Are there still a large number of gamers clamoring to play as an extremely speedy mammal? Because in my frequently ignored opinion, the ship has sailed on this blue, shoe-wearing vertebrate, and the only sect of people still interested in his semi-rebellious disposition are those who enjoy titles out of a nostalgic retrospect.
My outlook is that the cutesy, mascot-driven games, that were mainstays in the 8 and 16-bit eras, have lost their relevancy — at least when dealing with gamers over the age of 12. So in saying that, I think in a sense it’s a wise decision to tailor the Sonic games to the demographic who still believes a giant rabbit delivers pastel eggs to their house every spring. But unless Sonic 4 is some sort of incredible and unorthodox experience the likes of which gamers have never seen before, I doubt it’s going to make a huge splash or break any sales records.
As a grown man, I’m not interested in running around as an animal and jumping on the heads of robot frogs and chickens. And to be honest, even as a kid it I had the option to play Sonic the Hedgehog or Gears of War, I would pass on that spiky Erinaceinae (that’s fancy-talk for hedgehog) in favor of that large strong man, who wears a do-rag on his head and who talks like he’s smoked five packs of cigarettes a day since he was seven.
Sega believes that the reason the “hardcore” demographic has moved away from its Sonic titles is due to their inclusion of 3D graphics and simplistic control schemes. But let me give you a tip Sega on why Sonic will probably never sell like it once did: Large swatches of people are no longer interested in playing these puerile-themed titles that are difficult for adults to relate to.
That being said, you 6 to 12-year-olds can get your tiny hands on Sonic Colors this November, and you eight “hardcore” Sonic fans can download Sonic 4 this December.
The Entertainment Software Association (ESA) announces that around 300 Universities are now offering game-related courses and degrees, and the number continues to grow.When I was in college, back before I was known as the Cynical Gamer (back then I was more frequently referred to as that weird, quiet, cynical asshole) colleges didn’t offer degrees in fields directly tied to video games. If you wanted to “break” into the gaming biz it would require a lot of specific programming courses followed by copious amounts of math curriculum, and then some of that good ol’ fashioned luck.
But kids today, man, do they have it easy. Now Universities are offering classes specifically designed for the gaming industry, and as the Entertainment Software Association recently reported, the number of these gaming-centric classes is growing. In fact the ESA puts the number of said gaming-related Universities at around 300.
Now I attended the University of Nebraska, and to my knowledge no such course of study is yet available there, nor was it when I roamed the halls (not that it would’ve mattered. I was too busy drinking brews and making out with random sorority babes to have paid attention to something as lame as schoolwork. PARTY!!!). But other such notable colleges as Dartmouth and Ohio State have recently begun offering programs in the field, and as the industry continues to grow and become more profitable you can expect nearly every major university to eventually offer some variety of gaming related study.
I can only imagine that had this academic gaming-revolution taken off back when ye old Cynical Gamer was a student, I most likely would have gone to Yale on a full-ride scholarship which included tuition, housing, books, and all the horny co-eds I could handle (having typed that last sentence, I would like to make it abundantly clear that I’m being very sarcastic, and that my days in college never included alcoholic spirits or “horny coeds.” To be more realistic, I spent the majority of my time in college brooding in my room and pounding on my dorm wall in the hopes that my neighbor would turn down his Blink 182 CD).
Here’s what the ESA’s Rich Taylor had to say about gaming’s continued growth in the academic realm: “While computer and video games have been a source of entertainment for decades, our society is increasingly recognizing the broader uses of games and their positive impact. Whether it is in healthcare, education, business or government, schools across the country see the value of games and are training their students to meet the demand.” Well said, Richard T., who I hear was a total pothead back at his respected alma mater.
Sony’s $9.99 Favorites line for the PSP gets seven more titles to go along with the 16 already released, meaning that owners of PSP Go as well as older PSP models now can pick up 23 different games for their respected PSP under ten dollars.Basically this bit of news is Sony saying, “Someone, anyone, please buy our PSP Go! What else can we do — besides significantly altering how inconvenient the system is — to get you guys to pick up this floundering system?” I’m not sure I have your answer Sony, but you know your ol’ classic PSP — the one that I own and am perfectly content with? It pretty much seems totally superior and is much cheaper. So I guess I do have your answer: Make PSP Go significantly cheaper than the other models, which all have the same ability as Go at a fraction of the price.
Since my suggestion will undoubtedly fall on deaf ears — and since even if Sony somehow mistakenly read this blog they would still likely say, “like we’re going to listen to the advice of a loser who plans on spying on the elderly in nursing homes” — their move to list several PSP games for $10.00 will have to suffice. And to be honest, that still isn’t a bad deal — I mean, there are a number of quality games being offered at an attractive price point, and since they are also being sold via retail you won’t have to wait a half hour while the title downloads on PSP Go.
Here’s a list of the recently added $9.99 Favorites titles: Burnout Legends, Capcom Classics Collection: Reloaded, Capcom Classics Collection: Remix, Dark Stalkers: Chaos Tower, Need for Speed: Most Wanted, Medal of Honor: Heroes and Sid Meier’s Pirates!
And here’s a list of the previously added Favorites titles: Ape Escape: On the Loose, Buzz! Master Quiz, Hot Shots Golf Open Tee, Justice League Heroes, LocoRoco 2, Manhunt 2, Midway Arcade Treasures: Extended Play, Patapon 2, Pinball Hall of Fame, PixelJunk Monster Deluxe, Silent Hill: Origins, The Sims 2, SOCOM: Fireteam Bravo, Syphon Filter: Logan’s Shadow, Twisted Metal: Head On and The Warriors.
And here’s a list of why I’m so frickin’ awesome: I smell reasonably good, my muscles look sweet when oiled up, my hygiene is better than the average Eastern European, I can grow an adequate moustache in about 9 days, I am STD-free (I’m 65% sure), I’m willing to stay at home if there isn’t anymore room in the car, and I have more moles on my body than money in my bank account.
So, does anyone now plan on buying a PSP Go with the inclusion of all these new “Favorites” titles?
With the Playstation Move in mind, Sony readies two new PS3 bundles, with one such bundle coming equipped with a variety of Move paraphernalia.So who’s excited for this Playstation Move thingy? I know I’m not. Truth be told, if I had to choose between a free Playstation Move or a free ten-pound bag of tortilla chips, I’d choose the chips in a heartbeat that’s provided they came with an equally generous portion of salsa. But I guess Sony will hear nothing of that, because they’re unveiling a pair of new PS3s with their whole derivative motion-control-device in mind.
Come September 19, Sony plans on releasing a new PS3 bundle that comes equipped with a 320 GB hard drive, a PlayStation Move controller, a PlayStation Eye and a copy of Sports Champions, all for $399.99. And yes, you read that correctly, Sports Champions will be included, which is a totally novel compilation game that uses motion controls to allow players to play table tennis or archery. Man, what a unique and totally unfamiliar experience that will be; utilizing motion controls to play brief sport related mini-games is a concept completely foreign to anyone who has been playing video games for the last five years.
Sony is also in the process of releasing a 160 GB model to replace their 120 GB edition, but since this new model is coming out now, it unfortunately will not come equipped with that ground-breaking sports compilation that will remain completely unfamiliar to gamers until its September release date.
Here’s what the incredibly creative vice president of Sony’s product marketing, Scott A. Steinberg had to say about the bundles: “With the launch of PlayStation Move just around the corner, we’re expecting many new consumers to join the PlayStation family. The PS3 Sports Champions Move bundle provides those families with everything they need to get into motion control gaming at a great value, with the 320 GB model PS3 system as the centerpiece of the package.”
Scott, as evidenced by my repeated sarcastic barbs regarding your unoriginal Move Technology, I think you’re wrong in making the statement that many new consumers will be joining your “Playstation family.” I’ll bet you one ten-pound bag of tortilla chips on it (note: if the Cynical Gamer loses the aforementioned bet, he will not honor the winner’s prize).
Activision announces the final tracklist for Guitar Hero: Warriors of Rock, and in total it includes 93 different songs.If you’re a frequent reader of this blog, and to be honest I’m not sure that sect of person exists, you’re probably expecting some sort of barb at the expense of Activision’s CEO Bobby Kotick. But let me buck convention and blow your mind with a curveball: 93 songs is a whole poopload of music, and an obvious attempt to cater to the hardcore fans. Good job, Activision!
Realtime Worlds, developer of the disappointing All Points Bulletin, fires a substantial portion of its staff and is rumored to be on the brink of closure.It’s a difficult assignment to attempt a joke when dealing with something as shitty as losing your job, so for staff at Realtime Worlds, know that it could be worse. You could be an out-of-shape internet blogger who often refers to himself in the third person, and who lies about the rate at which he can grow a moustache. The Cynical Gamer is sad.Heavy Rain creator, David Cage, reveals that Heavy Rain sold four times more copies than expected, completely taking Sony by surprise.Imagine the following line being delivered by Arnold Schwarzenegger in reference to Heavy Rain’s impressive sale numbers: “I guess when it rains, it pours.” Then he shoots up the room before getting lifted out of the building on a ladder via helicopter.Irrational Games finally reveals its upcoming game, which happens to be another Bioshock prequel, this time taking place in the sky.Listen, I obviously haven’t yet played this most recent Bioshock prequel set in the sky, but I’ll admit that I’m already really excited for the prequel to this prequel, which happens to take place just outside a Denny’s in Wahoo, NE (that’s an actual town).
I have a good feeling that the medium of video games will produce more news next week, and as a result of that inevitability you can expect to find more text here next Thursday relaying said news. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got a huge portion of food to deliver to homeless, elderly, earthquake victims dump to take.
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